How Social Anxiety makes you feel judged (and how it can change)

You’re out for the evening and get introduced to a group of  people. They are talking about holidays and places they have been to. They ask about your last trip, you feel awkward; your wasn’t as glamorous as their’s.

Someone tells a story,  they laugh.

They’re laughing at you.

You make a sharp remark in defence. How dare they? They don’t even know you.

A simple interaction and suddenly you’re defensive, maybe even aggressive. And it shapes every interaction that follows.

That feeling

Meeting a new groups of people at a family party, work gathering or another social event. The events may vary but situation feels the same.

You have learnt how to mask how you feel, to hide your discomfort, pretend you are “okay”  and tone yourself down.

You feel uncomfortable, you sense others are judging you. When someone speaks to you,  you brace yourself. You assume sarcasm, insincerity and hidden meanings.

No one has said or done anything. They don’t have to. Its feels real

It may seem irrational. But you’ve been here before. You know how it goes.

Where Does It Come From?

Maybe it began with domineering parents. Childhood bullies. A partner who belittled you.

Maybe someone else shaped the belief that you weren’t enough, that you were too awkward, too intense, “different”.

Over time you have learnt how to protect yourself from this judgement.

The cycle that continues

And it feeds itself.

When you’re defensive, people respond defensively.

It confirming what you already fear; that you can’t trust people, they are all the same.

No one sees the real you. Only the mask

How it can change

Living with this guard up is pretty lonely.

Sometimes it takes just one person to see past it, someone who responds with steadiness rather than judgement. A friend, a partner, a counsellor

When someone consistently meets you with acceptance, something can begin to soften. You start to question the old narrative. You allow yourself to be vulnerable. To be seen.

You can begin to relax. To let go you the anxiety. To just be you.

If you recognise yourself in this and would like some support, you’re welcome to get in touch. You don’t need a big reason, just a sense that this might be something worth talking about.