How Labels Shape Us More Than We Realise

When we brought Bob home, he arrived as a ball of energy. If anything moved he leapt on it, toys, us and most excitedly out other cat Matilda. Bob would spend his day following Matilda everywhere, jumping on her, sitting in her spots, and insisting on being involved in everything she did. We all laughed about it and Matilda began to treat him like an annoying little brother. Some days she would play for a bit but most days she just didn’t have the patients.

She would hiss at him, avoided him, before he even came near. She seemed on guard, and almost prepared to be irritated; even if he hadn’t done anything. It was amazing how quickly the label became a script they both followed.

As people we experience this every day.

These labels can feel like shortcuts for other people:

• “You’re the quiet one.”

• “You’re the over thinker.”

• “You’re the one who gets overwhelmed.”

• “You’re the difficult one.”

• “You’re the sensitive one.”

• “You’re the organised one.”

• “You’re the one who needs extra support.”

Sometimes this comes from teachers, family, workplaces, or even well-meaning professionals. Sometimes they’re medical or diagnostic labels. Sometimes they’re accidental throwaway comments; But the pattern is the same:

-A label becomes an expectation.
-An expectation becomes a role.
-And a role becomes a cage.

Just like Matilda bracing for trouble when Bob was simply walked through the room, many people begin to anticipate judgement or misunderstanding before they happen.

If you’re autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, dysgraphic, or otherwise neurodivergent, labels often arrive early and loudly:

• “Too much.”

• “Too quiet.”

• “Too intense.”

• “Not trying hard enough.”

• “Needs to focus.”

• “Always anxious.”

• “Bad at social stuff.”

• “Always late.”

• “Disorganised.”

• “Dramatic.”

After a while, you start to question :

“Maybe this is just who I am.”
“Maybe this is all people see in me.”
“Maybe I need to act this way because it’s what everyone expects.”

This is the weight of labels: they don’t describe behaviour — they shape it. Whether the pressure is to shrink or to meet the stereotype

Neurodivergent people often fall into 2 groups:

1. Trying not to be “too much.”

Masking, shrinking, buffering your personality — just to avoid confirming the label someone once gave you. That pressure to conform and be what others (society) wants you to be. This comes with exhaustion and endless denying of your needs and requirements

2. Accidentally performing the role.

Acting disorganised because people expect it.
Over-explaining because people assume you’re anxious.
Avoiding things because you’ve been told you’re “not good at them.”

This isn’t weakness — it’s a human response to years of programming  that has defined you rather than an understanding of who you are.

Acceptance of who you are and the ability to just be who you are is what is needed. Bob didn’t care what we called him. He simply was a playful, curious, chaotic, affectionate kitten. Matilda eventually realised this too. They now have such a lovely relationship, she softened, no longer expecting trouble every time he entered the room. Occasionally she does have to let him know he’s too much for her but, their relationship is not defined by the labels we gave them. You deserve that same freedom.

Counselling is a space where you get to:

• understand how past assumptions shaped your behaviour

• explore which labels you’ve outgrown

• notice which labels were never yours in the first place

• separate your identity from your diagnosis

• build a self-concept based on who you really are, not who others said you were

Many neurodivergent clients say that counselling is a space where they don’t have to put on that mask.

You don’t have to be the “quiet one” here.
Or the “strong one.”
Or the “difficult one.”
Or the “one that can cope with it”.
Or the “chaotic one.”

You just get to be you — fluidly shifting, complex, curious, growing.

If you’ve spent years feeling boxed in by labels — whether given by family, society, school, or even professionals — it’s okay to step back and ask:

“Is this really me?
Or is this the role I’ve been taught to play?”

You deserve relationships (including the one you have with yourself) where you’re not treated like the “annoying little brother,” the “problem child,” the “too much,” or the “not enough.”

You deserve to be seen as a You!