“Annoying Little Brother Syndrome”: How Labels Shape Us More Than We Realise
When we brought Bob home, we joked that he instantly developed the “annoying little brother syndrome.”
Following our other cat (Matilda) everywhere, jumping on her, sitting in her spots, and insisting on being involved in everything she did. We laughed about it and Matilda began to treat him like she really did have an annoying little brother.
She hissed at him, avoided him before he even came near. She seemed on guard, and almost prepared to be irritated — even before anything had happened. It was amazing how quickly the label became a script they both followed.
As people we experience this every day.
These labels can feel like shortcuts for other people:
“You’re the quiet one.”
“You’re the overthinker.”
“You’re the one who gets overwhelmed.”
“You’re the difficult one.”
“You’re the sensitive one.”
“You’re the organised one.”
“You’re the one who needs extra support.”
Sometimes this comes from teachers, family, workplaces, or even well-meaning professionals. Sometimes they’re medical or diagnostic labels. Sometimes they’re accidental throwaway comments; But the pattern is the same:
-A label becomes an expectation.
-An expectation becomes a role.
-And a role becomes a cage.
Just like Matilda bracing for trouble even when Bob was simply walking through the room, many people begin to anticipate judgement or misunderstanding before it even happens.
If you’re autistic, ADHD, dyslexic, dyspraxic, or otherwise neurodivergent, labels often arrive early and loudly:
“Too much.”
“Too quiet.”
“Too intense.”
“Not trying hard enough.”
“Needs to focus.”
“Always anxious.”
“Bad at social stuff.”
“Always late.”
“Disorganised.”
“Dramatic.”
After a while, you start to question :
“Maybe this is just who I am.”
“Maybe this is all people see in me.”
“Maybe I need to act this way because it’s what everyone expects.”
This is the weight of labels: they don’t describe behaviour — they shape it.Whether the pressure is to shrink or it’s to meet the stereotype
Neurodivergent people often fall into 2 groups:
1. Trying not to be “too much.”
Masking, shrinking, buffering your personality — just to avoid confirming the label someone once gave you.
2. Accidentally performing the role.
Acting disorganised because people expect it.
Over-explaining because people assume you’re anxious.
Avoiding things because you’ve been told you’re “not good at them.”
This isn’t weakness — it’s a human response to years of programming that has defined you rather than an understanding of who you are.
Back to Bob. He didn’t care what we called him. He simply was — a playful, curious, chaotic, affectionate kitten. Matilda eventually realised this too. They now have such a lovely relationship that they created, she softened, no longer expecting trouble every time he entered the room. Their relationship was not defined by the labels we gave them. Humans deserve that same freedom.
Counselling is a space where you get to:
understand how past assumptions shaped your behaviour
explore which labels you’ve outgrown
notice which labels were never yours in the first place
separate your identity from your diagnosis
build a self-concept based on who you really are, not who others said you were
Many neurodivergent clients say that counselling is a space where they don’t have to put on that mask.
You don’t have to be the “quiet one” here.
Or the “strong one.”
Or the “difficult one.”
Or the “always coping” one.
Or the “chaotic one.”
You just get to be you — shifting, complex, curious, growing.
If you’ve spent years feeling boxed in by labels — whether given by family, society, school, or even professionals — it’s okay to step back and ask:
“Is this really me?
Or is this the role I’ve been taught to play?”
You deserve relationships (including the one you have with yourself) where you’re not treated like the “annoying little brother,” the “problem child,” the “too much,” or the “not enough.”
You deserve to be seen as a You!