Finding your voice when Anxiety, says stay quiet
You’re in a meeting, or chatting with a family member or friend. You’re talking about something important, and you have a clear sense of what you think or feel.
The person you’re with shares their view which is completely different to yours.
You say nothing.
You want to speak up, but the courage has gone. So you stay quiet. You may nod, agree or even go along with what they want to happen.
Who you are becomes smaller
What do I know?
They’re more experienced, more practical, they know better.
You try to convince yourself that your view or idea wasn’t worth mentioning, even though part of you knows it was. More than that, it mattered to you.
This isn’t doubt in your thinking, it’s doubt in your ability to say it.
You might imagine they won”t agree, won’t understand, or might even think you’re stupid. There is a little voice telling you to stay quiet, stay safe, your views are not enough. And in that moment silence feels easier
Often this comes from past experiences, times when you were shut down, criticised or made to feel small and foolish. There is a fear that doesn’t just disappear, it lingers and haunts you in situations like these.
But these experiences belong to different time in your life.
A time when you were younger, less experienced or surrounded by people who didn’t meet you with love or understanding.
This doesn’t define who you are now.
Even when you know that your views are valid, your body responds differently, that tightness in the chest, that pull that stops the words from coming out.
Rather than seeing this as a conflict or something you have to “win”, try thinking of it as sharing perspectives.
It might help to have a few gentle phrases to lean on such as “that’s interesting; I think I see it a bit differently…”. Or “I’m not sure that’s how I see it, I think it might be…”.
You’re not rejecting the other person, you’re allowing yourself to be seen.
The anxiety is probably still there. But you’re giving yourself a voice, rather than letting the fear to silence you. And there may be times when what you say doesn’t land. The other person may not want to hear what you say.
That’s Okay
Its not always about you, sometimes people simply aren’t in a place to hear something different.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. These patterns can be gently explored and understood, and support is there if you want it.